I'm broken-hearted not only for what has happened but because on March 17, 2003 I went through the same thing. I was 36 weeks pregnant with twin girls. I'd been sick for a couple of weeks, but that morning I started throwing up and when I went to the doctor they couldn't find a heartbeat with the little microphone thingy, and when they did an ultrasound, there was no life. Talk about devastated. Carlo had just left for Iraq and the first words he hears when he calls to tell me he's arrived safely in Kuwait were that I'd lost the girls. It was a hard time. Come to find out, I had this crazy thing start to happen with my liver. Long to short, my liver was shutting down and so my body acted to save me.
I can remember being mad at God and telling Him so. For so long I had wanted to have twins because I thought they were wonderful, and I was finally going to see a dream realized. I couldn't understand how God could let me carry them so far. My girls were identical, and at the weights that single babies usually weigh at the same age. I was all set to carry to 40 weeks and deliver naturally. In one of my many trips to L&D the week before for stress tests, my sister asked why they wouldn't just keep me and let me have the girls, and the doctor told her it was because we were ok, and if I did he'd have to cut me and that isn't what he wanted to do of he didn't have to.
Carlo was only home for 21 days emergency leave, but I think that was all he could have handled. We were able to have a memorial service for our beautiful girls, Chloe Suzanne & Alexis Pearl before he left. I'll never forget something my pastor told us in the days leading up to the service. He talked with us quite candidly about his and his wife's inability to have kids of their own and the multiple miscarriages they'd had before finally adopting. He told us that there was one portion of Scripture that brought them comfort: "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:10. He explained to us how they took comfort in knowing that each of those children were in Heaven right now, and by reading that verse we knew that they had an angel with them. They believed that those precious children, and all children like them once they arrived in Heaven met with an angel and that angel looked after them. Took them to see the Father and the Son. Those angles told these children of the families that loved them on earth and told them all about those families, so as we are here on earth waiting for that glorious day when we arrive in Heaven and are reunited with those we love, they are waiting for the day when we get to Heaven and they can see the people they've heard so much about. This definitely comforted me, and has helped me in times that were rough going.
I don't know if I'll be able to talk to my friends today or tomorrow or next week, but I do know that when I do, I'll truly empathize with them in their pain, but I fully believe that God will use me to bring a measure of comfort to them, that the Holy Spirit will direct my words. I can vividly remember those days 6 years ago, but right now my pain and my tears are for my dear friends who are experiencing the same thing. Lord send your Holy Spirit to be the comfort that they need. Give them the love and peace their hearts are crying out for now!!
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