Rejoice

I just posted a blog talking about my broken-heartedness at my friends' loss of their child and my loss of twin girls 6 years ago. That was a really depressing kind of post, but now to finish this saga.

Through the comfort of my family, friends, and the Lord I recovered. Because of the stuff that happened with my live the doctors said I should probably not try to have kids again. I'd come really close to dying and there was a possibility of it happening again with worse results. I spent a month having my liver function checked weekly. Praise God I only suffered very minor damage to my liver and even better at one of my last visits to the specialist I was seeing, he told me that I should be able to have kids again, I would just have to have my liver function monitored very closely the further along I got in my pregnancy!!

Knowing my husband and his protectiveness, I figured we probably wouldn't try to have more kids. You see, Tony our oldest child is a miracle. My water broke at 20 weeks when I was pregnant with him. If you know about babies, you know that the first they are able to live outside the womb is at 24 weeks. In the hospital we were given 2 choices: induce labor now (I was already starting to contract) and know nothing would be done to save the baby (sounded like an abortion to us) or have a 48-hour course of antibiotics to help with any infections and then hope to make it to 24 weeks if I went into labor. We naturally went with option B. I was told that if the baby did survive he would probably be mentally and physically disabled because of the exposure to infection and things. We didn't have a very good outlook from the professionals. Well, I'll tell you I carried that boy to 41 weeks and then the doctors decided to induce me because my amniotic fluid levels were starting to drop again!! Carlo Antonio Serrano II was born on September 17, 1999 at 3:33am. He weighed in at 8lbs 1oz and was 19.5 inches long. There were no physical problems with him and every test they preformed on him after birth came back with nothing but perfect results!! He will be 10 years old in 12 days and you would never know things were so precarious before he was born. Talking to him is like talking to someone 3-4 years older. To see him is to see his father.

Carlo returned from Iraq in February of 2004. After some discussion we decided that when the time was right, we would try to have another baby. We started attending church right after his block leave in March. One Sunday night in April a woman came to me and asked if she could talk to me. She had a word from God. My precious Lord wanted me to know that very soon He was going to give me the desire of my heart and with it there would be no pain, no heartache, only joy and happiness. My mind immediately went to so many things, but once I stopped and really examined my heart I knew what my deepest desire was. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant! When I talked to the woman and told her, she asked me if I wanted to know that baby's name. She said to me, "David. His name is David." Thanks to Tony, his middle name became Elijah. Of course my doctor was very cautious during my pregnancy checking my liver functions and even inducing me at 37 weeks just to be safe. After 20 hours of labor, David Elijah Serrano was born on January 28, 2005 at 6:59am. He weighed in a 7lbs 8oz and was 21.5 inches long! He was just as perfect as his big brother. Now almost 5 years later, to see him is to see a personality just full of love, and humor, and mischief. He is smart as a whip and precocious to boot. He is our promise.

You tell me there is no God or if there is one He doesn't care. If so, then explain the beauty of my oldest son and the odds he has beaten. Explain that I have life and health. Explain the wonder of my youngest son who surprises me everyday with what he says and does. I tell you there is a God and He loves us and cares for us and He wants good for us. We may not understand all that He does, but if we trust in Him and remember that His ways are not our ways, and that He has a plan and purpose for us, the things He can and will do in, through, and for us defy all logic!

Broken-Hearted

Right now, I'm broken-hearted. I just found out that dear friends of mine found out their 6-month old son died in-utero. Yesterday they were having their first blood-glucose check done and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat on the baby. They treated my friend's cervix and she passed the baby sometime last night. These words sound so cold and clinical, but I think this is the only way I can get them out without breaking down completely.

I'm broken-hearted not only for what has happened but because on March 17, 2003 I went through the same thing. I was 36 weeks pregnant with twin girls. I'd been sick for a couple of weeks, but that morning I started throwing up and when I went to the doctor they couldn't find a heartbeat with the little microphone thingy, and when they did an ultrasound, there was no life. Talk about devastated. Carlo had just left for Iraq and the first words he hears when he calls to tell me he's arrived safely in Kuwait were that I'd lost the girls. It was a hard time. Come to find out, I had this crazy thing start to happen with my liver. Long to short, my liver was shutting down and so my body acted to save me.

I can remember being mad at God and telling Him so. For so long I had wanted to have twins because I thought they were wonderful, and I was finally going to see a dream realized. I couldn't understand how God could let me carry them so far. My girls were identical, and at the weights that single babies usually weigh at the same age. I was all set to carry to 40 weeks and deliver naturally. In one of my many trips to L&D the week before for stress tests, my sister asked why they wouldn't just keep me and let me have the girls, and the doctor told her it was because we were ok, and if I did he'd have to cut me and that isn't what he wanted to do of he didn't have to.

Carlo was only home for 21 days emergency leave, but I think that was all he could have handled. We were able to have a memorial service for our beautiful girls, Chloe Suzanne & Alexis Pearl before he left. I'll never forget something my pastor told us in the days leading up to the service. He talked with us quite candidly about his and his wife's inability to have kids of their own and the multiple miscarriages they'd had before finally adopting. He told us that there was one portion of Scripture that brought them comfort: "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:10. He explained to us how they took comfort in knowing that each of those children were in Heaven right now, and by reading that verse we knew that they had an angel with them. They believed that those precious children, and all children like them once they arrived in Heaven met with an angel and that angel looked after them. Took them to see the Father and the Son. Those angles told these children of the families that loved them on earth and told them all about those families, so as we are here on earth waiting for that glorious day when we arrive in Heaven and are reunited with those we love, they are waiting for the day when we get to Heaven and they can see the people they've heard so much about. This definitely comforted me, and has helped me in times that were rough going.

I don't know if I'll be able to talk to my friends today or tomorrow or next week, but I do know that when I do, I'll truly empathize with them in their pain, but I fully believe that God will use me to bring a measure of comfort to them, that the Holy Spirit will direct my words. I can vividly remember those days 6 years ago, but right now my pain and my tears are for my dear friends who are experiencing the same thing. Lord send your Holy Spirit to be the comfort that they need. Give them the love and peace their hearts are crying out for now!!