I'm Just Plain Tired

of people and their passive/aggressive nonsense.

This last week I've really been evaluating my life and come to see there are some things about me I don't like. I've been praying about these issues and asked God to really help me to change these things and move forward in my relationship with Him.

Lord help me to love like you!

Enough is enough

I am absolutely tired of people saying that people are racists or "haters" if they have any criticism at all of President Obama!! It is ridiculous, that people who live in this country can't have an opinion. I thought that was what the 1st Amendment was for? I mean sure, some people are ignorant and racist, or don't know doodly-squat, but so what, they live in this country, so they have the right to say what they like. My grandfather, mother, father, brother, husband, and countless other family members have served in our Armed Forces to insure that everyone has right to state their opinion. Just because I don't agree with you or what you believe doesn't make me an evil person. If that were the case I could say that most people of color that I know who blindly and doggedly support our president are guilty of being prejudiced as well. To take the view that I am a racist or "hater" because I want to know why the man won an award for doing nothing, or speaking out against policy changes he wants to make that are morally and biblically wrong, is not a bad thing. It makes me an individual and an American citizen who is exercising my rights as a citizen by speaking my mind. You are allowed to do the same thing. I may think a person is an idiot or a moron because of some of the views they have, but I don't call them that or make a blanket statement that all people who feel differently than me are stupid, or racist, or bigots, or anything else. Please respect me and the countless other people who don't like what our president stands for NOT the color of his skin.

Rant over, I now return you to your regularly scheduled life.

Rejoice

I just posted a blog talking about my broken-heartedness at my friends' loss of their child and my loss of twin girls 6 years ago. That was a really depressing kind of post, but now to finish this saga.

Through the comfort of my family, friends, and the Lord I recovered. Because of the stuff that happened with my live the doctors said I should probably not try to have kids again. I'd come really close to dying and there was a possibility of it happening again with worse results. I spent a month having my liver function checked weekly. Praise God I only suffered very minor damage to my liver and even better at one of my last visits to the specialist I was seeing, he told me that I should be able to have kids again, I would just have to have my liver function monitored very closely the further along I got in my pregnancy!!

Knowing my husband and his protectiveness, I figured we probably wouldn't try to have more kids. You see, Tony our oldest child is a miracle. My water broke at 20 weeks when I was pregnant with him. If you know about babies, you know that the first they are able to live outside the womb is at 24 weeks. In the hospital we were given 2 choices: induce labor now (I was already starting to contract) and know nothing would be done to save the baby (sounded like an abortion to us) or have a 48-hour course of antibiotics to help with any infections and then hope to make it to 24 weeks if I went into labor. We naturally went with option B. I was told that if the baby did survive he would probably be mentally and physically disabled because of the exposure to infection and things. We didn't have a very good outlook from the professionals. Well, I'll tell you I carried that boy to 41 weeks and then the doctors decided to induce me because my amniotic fluid levels were starting to drop again!! Carlo Antonio Serrano II was born on September 17, 1999 at 3:33am. He weighed in at 8lbs 1oz and was 19.5 inches long. There were no physical problems with him and every test they preformed on him after birth came back with nothing but perfect results!! He will be 10 years old in 12 days and you would never know things were so precarious before he was born. Talking to him is like talking to someone 3-4 years older. To see him is to see his father.

Carlo returned from Iraq in February of 2004. After some discussion we decided that when the time was right, we would try to have another baby. We started attending church right after his block leave in March. One Sunday night in April a woman came to me and asked if she could talk to me. She had a word from God. My precious Lord wanted me to know that very soon He was going to give me the desire of my heart and with it there would be no pain, no heartache, only joy and happiness. My mind immediately went to so many things, but once I stopped and really examined my heart I knew what my deepest desire was. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant! When I talked to the woman and told her, she asked me if I wanted to know that baby's name. She said to me, "David. His name is David." Thanks to Tony, his middle name became Elijah. Of course my doctor was very cautious during my pregnancy checking my liver functions and even inducing me at 37 weeks just to be safe. After 20 hours of labor, David Elijah Serrano was born on January 28, 2005 at 6:59am. He weighed in a 7lbs 8oz and was 21.5 inches long! He was just as perfect as his big brother. Now almost 5 years later, to see him is to see a personality just full of love, and humor, and mischief. He is smart as a whip and precocious to boot. He is our promise.

You tell me there is no God or if there is one He doesn't care. If so, then explain the beauty of my oldest son and the odds he has beaten. Explain that I have life and health. Explain the wonder of my youngest son who surprises me everyday with what he says and does. I tell you there is a God and He loves us and cares for us and He wants good for us. We may not understand all that He does, but if we trust in Him and remember that His ways are not our ways, and that He has a plan and purpose for us, the things He can and will do in, through, and for us defy all logic!

Broken-Hearted

Right now, I'm broken-hearted. I just found out that dear friends of mine found out their 6-month old son died in-utero. Yesterday they were having their first blood-glucose check done and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat on the baby. They treated my friend's cervix and she passed the baby sometime last night. These words sound so cold and clinical, but I think this is the only way I can get them out without breaking down completely.

I'm broken-hearted not only for what has happened but because on March 17, 2003 I went through the same thing. I was 36 weeks pregnant with twin girls. I'd been sick for a couple of weeks, but that morning I started throwing up and when I went to the doctor they couldn't find a heartbeat with the little microphone thingy, and when they did an ultrasound, there was no life. Talk about devastated. Carlo had just left for Iraq and the first words he hears when he calls to tell me he's arrived safely in Kuwait were that I'd lost the girls. It was a hard time. Come to find out, I had this crazy thing start to happen with my liver. Long to short, my liver was shutting down and so my body acted to save me.

I can remember being mad at God and telling Him so. For so long I had wanted to have twins because I thought they were wonderful, and I was finally going to see a dream realized. I couldn't understand how God could let me carry them so far. My girls were identical, and at the weights that single babies usually weigh at the same age. I was all set to carry to 40 weeks and deliver naturally. In one of my many trips to L&D the week before for stress tests, my sister asked why they wouldn't just keep me and let me have the girls, and the doctor told her it was because we were ok, and if I did he'd have to cut me and that isn't what he wanted to do of he didn't have to.

Carlo was only home for 21 days emergency leave, but I think that was all he could have handled. We were able to have a memorial service for our beautiful girls, Chloe Suzanne & Alexis Pearl before he left. I'll never forget something my pastor told us in the days leading up to the service. He talked with us quite candidly about his and his wife's inability to have kids of their own and the multiple miscarriages they'd had before finally adopting. He told us that there was one portion of Scripture that brought them comfort: "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:10. He explained to us how they took comfort in knowing that each of those children were in Heaven right now, and by reading that verse we knew that they had an angel with them. They believed that those precious children, and all children like them once they arrived in Heaven met with an angel and that angel looked after them. Took them to see the Father and the Son. Those angles told these children of the families that loved them on earth and told them all about those families, so as we are here on earth waiting for that glorious day when we arrive in Heaven and are reunited with those we love, they are waiting for the day when we get to Heaven and they can see the people they've heard so much about. This definitely comforted me, and has helped me in times that were rough going.

I don't know if I'll be able to talk to my friends today or tomorrow or next week, but I do know that when I do, I'll truly empathize with them in their pain, but I fully believe that God will use me to bring a measure of comfort to them, that the Holy Spirit will direct my words. I can vividly remember those days 6 years ago, but right now my pain and my tears are for my dear friends who are experiencing the same thing. Lord send your Holy Spirit to be the comfort that they need. Give them the love and peace their hearts are crying out for now!!

It Had to Happen Sometime

So we had our first trip to the E.R. because someone was hurt and not sick in the middle of the night. This morning, Tony fell in the kitchen and hurt his knee. It was swollen enough and he was in enough pain, that we took him to the E.R. versus going to his PCP so that X-Rays could be done without making numerous trips across town.

Thankfully the X-Ray showed nothing was broken. The doctor however did think there was something wrong with Tony's knee. As of right now my boy is in the game room with an immobilizer brace on his knee, and he's getting around with the help of crutches. I partially dislocated my knee when I was 11, so I know how he's feeling right now. Again, I'm thankful this is only going to last a few weeks and not longer.

The crazy thing is Tony fell in a really awkward position. Usually when a person's foot slips, it slips forward and the person falls backwards, but Tony's foot slipped back causing him to fall on his knee and then fall backwards with his lower leg trapped underneath him. This caused the sprain in his knee and not a tear.

Tony was a trooper in the E.R. and did a great job answering the doctor's questions clearly and concisely. I couldn't have been prouder, although I would rather have not been in the situation at all. To be honest, if I had to think about a trip to the E.R. for this reason, I would have figured it would be with my little daredevil, David. I'm just so glad that Tony wasn't hurt more than he is and I know that he'll be up and around again in no time. Carlo has been a great nurse/orderly since we've been home. He fixed lunch and has been helping Tony in and out of bed when he's had to go to the restroom and stuff.

Thank you Lord for a good report, a loving and caring husband/father, & a good attitude from the patient!!

Quiet Days

Today has been a day of nothing. Tony had a friend stay over last night, so I made the den my refuge. Carlo filled in for Charlie, our youth pastor, while he was at NFAF in Orlando, so it was the 3 boys and me last night. I figured I could be a much nicer mom if I was as far away as I could get from the noise of three active and rambunctious boys. My theory worked well. I did some school work, watched some Eureka and had a pretty good night. I was shocked at how early the boys were up this morning, but they stayed pretty quiet until everyone was up. I decided to continue with my being a nice mom so I've spent the entire day down in the den. I don't usually do this because our den stays so cold, but I'm telling you that today it was chilly but I had a good day.

What did I do you ask? NOTHING! I spent today doing nothing. No laundry, no nothing. This doesn't mean I don't have laundry to do, it just means I didn't do it today. I've surfed the 'net a bit, played a couple of games on the computer, watched some "What Not to Wear," "Monk," and "Psych." It was awesome. I made sure the kids ate, but they did their own thing and were really good about doing that. There wasn't a lot of tattle-telling or fighting so that made it really nice. I think it was a great way to spend the last Saturday before school starts.

Vacation x2

Our weekend was great. We chilled at a hotel and did a whole lot of nothing. We swam, we ate, went to the state museum, swam some more, ate some more, slept, went to the mall & the movies, and capped it off with a great service on Sunday with some wonderful friends and partners in ministry at Life Assembly in Mt. Juliet. We had lunch with our friends Jonnie & Curry Wethington before heading home. Great weekend. The best part? We came home to 7 more days of vacation!!! We weren't done & getting back into the grind, we had one more week of it. Yesterday we chilled at home and then went to the library, I'm rediscovering Agatha Christie, (thank you God for kids who love to read). Today will probably be more of the chill at home action. It's looking like rain, so we'll see if the weather dampens any of our plans. I love knowing that there is nothing to do at the moment. I'm going to enjoy a cuppa tea.